New Laws to Increase Public Toilet Noise Levels

A lobby group is pushing to legislate minimum noise levels in public and workplace toilets.

The Chamber of Affable Din is lobbying the government for new laws that require a certain level of noise in toilets.

“There is only one thing worse than sitting in a cubicle in silence. And that is sitting next to someone in a cubicle in silence,” said Richmond Colby in an interview earlier today.

“Everyone longs for noise in a public or workplace toilet. And by noise I mean white noise, not the other kind.”

A prototype of the methane powered white noise generator

The methane powered white noise generator

“White noise is a wonderful thing for blocking out less pleasant sounds. A fan, running water or music is a perfect cover for the aural assault that can take place in shared toilet areas. We believe about 60 decibels should do it.”

Efforts to reduce the consumption of power in buildings have long since seen the phasing out of fans in workplace toilets.

“Sure, everything that goes on in a public toilet is completely natural. But should we have to listen to it?”

The Chamber of Affable Din is planning on putting forward a proposal for methane powered white noise generators to be installed in all public toilets.

“We are pushing hard for this, and we can only hope our motion is passed.”